I wish I didn't need to say this because I loved the best friend and close friend I thought I had. I needed to make this a big blog because the way the abuse happened was elaborate, discreet, and it happened over a long period of time. Although, I made sure only to say the necessary details to make this as small as possible. I added an audio reader as well.
The short story is that she lied with the intention to mentally harm me many times for a long time, and it did. She asked me to be best friends, and at different times she said we're "close," and "special" friends. We talked 2-3 times a week. Then, when my heart was out there as a best friend, she began to act strange, on purpose, for about 5 months. Later, Cherry said it was on purpose. It was in a way that she knew would be harmful, or make me worry if she's okay or for our friendship.
One day, she said I inspire many of her videos. I felt very honored by that. Although immediately after that, in mid-conversation, she left for a whole month, and without saying why. She knew I'd think it's unusual because it's not something she's done before. When she came back she only said a small paragraph and then left for another month. Later that day I found out it was dishonest about why she's been gone. That made me start to worry, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want it to be true at the time.
I would have been fine if she was just busy or didn't feel like being social. Stuff like that happens, and I was just hoping if everything's okay. I let her know I'd be happy to get her something for her birthday two different times, a month apart, but she saw it and just left both times. It made me more worried that something's going on, since people usually like getting things for their birthday and she was excited for me to get her something the year before. When she came back she skipped what I asked, just posted a :) and left for ten more days.
I asked if she was okay, and let her know how much she means to me as a best friend. I made sure it was completely in a nice and caring way, just as we've only been nice up to this point and never had any disagreement or argument. Cherry turned my response to her acting strange on purpose for months into I must be obsessed and in love. I'm gay and she's straight, so I obviously knew it wasn't something that was possible. We've been just friends for a long time, and I made it clear I only think of her as a friend many times.
I found Cherry was being dishonest in many ways here, and I'll explain it in this blog. Cherry used those reasons to break up as best friends. I thoroughly explained how they're not true. What she said was not even related to what was going on. I was just hoping she was okay, but she didn't reply and she just left. She didn't say anything like this before. Since this was intentional, including saying to me that I inspire many of her videos and then strangely leaving for almost 2 months looked like emotional manipulation that was meant to be harmful, and it did hurt me. I've explained several times how communication is important in close friendships, and I was always there for her with reason, love, and empathy if something's up, or if I do something, no matter what it is. I explained this while she was being silent on purpose for months. She just strangely gave those two reasons, without saying what I did that made her think they were true, and then she was gone.
She did many other things that showed dishonesty with the intention to harm. It was in a discreet and manipulative way. It was so strange because it was after we've only been nice to each other. Out of care for what we had as best and close friends and everything we put into friendship, I spent 5 months being silent to prove I wasn't obsessed or in love, but I was also hurt by how all of this happened. It was more confusing, hurtful, and traumatizing that it was intentional. I did 80% of the work and gifting out of love and generosity. During these 5 months, I went through severe depression, PTSD, and was hospitalized from an illness I got from emotional trauma. She meant a lot to me platonically as a best friend, and she led me to believe that's what we had. After 5 months, I sent her a message about how I was silent for 5 months to prove this. Cherry didn't care and ignored it. Then I fell into more depression.
Cherry knew how I was harmed, and ignored it for a year. This, and how she has responded after knowing how I was harmed, was telling in a bad way. Cherry didn't respond until she was pressured that many people were finding out about it after I told my friends what happened, but when she did she said more lies were meant to be abusive. Even today, she still hasn't cared to at least see what I said was harmful. Now she's dishonestly telling people I was just an attached fan, when I was her best friend who she abused. So, I have video of her saying we're "special friends" and screen caps of her saying we're friends. After that she kept on being dishonest in a harmful way. I have screen caps of those in this blog, and other screen caps of earlier in our friendship that show how they were harmfully dishonest. She chose to do this instead of just showing empathy to someone she has harmed. Since the beginning of when this started I've only sent nice messages to resolve what happened with empathy for what we both were going through. I asked if she could just show she cared enough to know what I said, at the very least, and if she cares from my perspective I went through that, and then I wouldn't share how I was harmed to others. She knows I said this and has avoided it for more than 2 years.
Okay, long story. I got her the cute pink Jiggly Puff top that she wore a lot. I got her the googly eyes and mustache she had on her 3dio in many of her videos. I'm the Christie she called a special friend in her ASMR glowing bunny video. I bought her things purely out of love all the time. We chatted around 2-4 times every 2 weeks. I helped inspire the bathing in fruit loops photoshoot and more. We had a cute blog together. I looked up to her as a bestie and did many things for her.
Throughout our friendship, I let her know if there is ever any problem, it's effortless for me to change it, no matter what. Also that I'm always here for her with love, reason, and empathy. All we need is communication. I was also reassuring this to her several times in the last 5 months before we broke up. However, especially in those months, it was almost as if she was trying to avoid communication and trying to turn it into something it wasn't.
It seemed like we were happily chatting and things were fine for a long time. We didn't ever disagree or say anything negative to each other. However, for about 3 months, she didn't reply to anything I'd say in our chat, even when I'd ask her something. Although she'd come in and say something on her mind, and if I replied to that, then we talked with each other. I asked if everything's okay, and she said everything's fine. Then without letting me know what's happening, she randomly left for a month, in mid-conversation. I thought it was odd, but I knew there were many possibilities that were okay. So I was just wondering how she's been, and if she's alright. Although, she peeked in our chat a couple times during that month. Even when I said I'd love to get her something for her birthday, she just looked and left. Later I saw in one of her ASMR videos her phone beeped, and suddenly she got annoyed and called where we chat a shithole. Though I guessed maybe she met some people who were not nice. So, I gave advice about that, and I asked if she's okay in our chat. She just looked and left. Usually, I wouldn't mind at all, but in context, this all added to how much I was worrying.
After that month, she came back and said the amount of messaging was too much. That would be okay, but it was very odd. She could have said I was posting too much β at the time I was β rather than being silent for that long, but I was very happy to tone it down. Later, I found out she was being dishonest.
Then she left for 16 days, and I posted less. I shared a couple of fun posts. A LGBTQ+ pride makeup art I did, and I let her know about my adorable puppy Romeo. She looked and left the 2nd time I asked if she'd like something for her birthday. 8 days later, still nothing. In the context of everything that has happened, I started to worry a lot more since people usually like getting gifts for their birthday. I felt bad, and I hoped she wasn't feeling stressed by something. So I shared a meditation & philosophy that helped me through hard times. It was a couple of paragraphs, though I also made sure to say why.
In this one she says I purchased her SnapChat to make it look like I was just a fan β except I never purchased her SnapChat. She invited me from our Instagram chat, where we chatted as good friends for 4 months, before she asked me to be best friends. I was unsure about moving to SnapChat because I couldn't video chat, and I didn't even have a SnapChat when she asked. She said she wants to because it's just easier for her to chat there. She clarified it's her work chat in these images, because she led me to believe we were just regular friends, and we added each other on SnapChat for free. Everything else she claimed here is already explained in this blog.
She lied in a harmful way many other times. This blog would just be a lot more ginormous if I added them all.
I asked many times if she can show that she cares about what I went through, to resolve what happened through empathy, reason, and understanding. I made sure I asked in a nice way. She avoided them most of the time, and when she did reply, she said more harmful lies that showed she wasn't really sorry. I'd remove this blog if she ever showed she was really sorry, just for what I went through. She still isn't sorry she harmed someone unfortunately.
"I just thought you may need some lovely relaxation you by the time you get to my SnapChat Love ^-^ β‘β¦οΎΰΉπΈΰΉοΎβ¦ β‘ β¦οΎΰΉπΈΰΉοΎβ¦ β‘ β¦οΎΰΉπΈΰΉοΎβ¦ β‘"Still quiet after 12 days. Then she just posted a :) and left for 10 more days. It made me worry that she couldn't say a sentence after being away for so long, and she ignored what she'd like for her birthday twice. She was saying things to other people in a happy way for fun this entire time. I felt bad, like something was the matter that she was not telling me. So I made a post to say she means a lot to me and I hope she's doing okay. She came back and said this:
"I haven't been avoiding you because "im angry at you or busy with work' I have been distancing myself on purpose."This is a part of what hurt me since I was worrying for several months and had no way to know what was happening. It isn't nice to intentionally ignore and act strange for months and then negatively blame them because they reacted out of care and in a nice way, especially someone who has only been very kind and has done many things for them purely out of love with no expectation of any return.
"I've been noticing from you over the past few month youThis was strange, because before this, I clarified many times it's okay to chat as often, or as little, as she likes, and I chatted with her less after she asked me to. The only long message was just before she sent me this, which was several paragraphs, but I made it clear it was only because I was hoping she was okay after she was acting odd for months and that I need to explain something complex. In this message, I tried to guess what may be the matter for 3 paragraphs. It was only about how much I cared about her as a friend. I've written messages just as long near the beginning of our friendship. She only responded positively to them, and I still have those posts. She has sent me messages just as long around that time as well, and after this happened. She was never specific about what she meant by attached. This was after she has been saying we're close and special friends in the past few months. Also, the day before she randomly left for a month, May 21, is when she let me know I inspire a lot of her videos. That's an odd thing to do when you're uncomfortable. I remember it clearly. It was the day she posted the "ASMR Float away into space // relaxation Hypnosis" ASMR video, later that day, I asked her if one of my posts gave her inspiration for that, because it was kind of my style sometimes, and she said I inspire many of her videos. Another thing is, having love as a friend and caring about them can be seen as attachment. It could even be called positive attachment, which is why it was important to be specific. I was only showing love and care because she's was acting strange, and in the message above, she admitted she was acting strange was on purpose. So, she should know that's why I was concerned as a close friend, but she turned it into something else, like I'm too "attached".
Have been growing more attached & that kind of makes me feel uncomfortable."
"I have been doing "cherry crush" for awhile and I have run into a couple of situations before where the person starts of very friendly and casual and it slowly grows into something that seems like an obsession. More then once this has turned out negatively. They start expecting more from me then I can provide & When I don't reciprocate the same feelings back it usually turns to anger & this scares me. I'm not saying this is you but I am very cautious of situations like this. I noticed you were writing a lot to me & I tried to diffuse the situation and ask you to write less in the nicest way I could. but it seems that wasn't really working and you seemed to be getting hurt by this and getting more attached."I am very sorry if someone has done those things, but it also is not nice or fair to prejudge that I'd do something other people have done. Other people have different personalities, and I've only been nice for our entire friendship, and I was reacting to how she's been acting odd on purpose. I clarified that I'd be happy to chat however much she wants, and that there was just a rare and important reason for my last messsage. Even when she told me, "the messaging is too much", a month and a half before this, she knew I let her know it was so she could pick anything from it to chat about for fun and it was easy for me to do it, and when she said "the messaging is too much" I responded that I was just used to making long messages with my other friends, but I can tone it down or anything she'd like. She oddly didn't respond to this when I said that, but I did tone it down anyway. My posts decreased to once every 3 to 5 days. All of this showed she made a lie that put the blame on me to harm me, because in context was she was acting strange on purpose, she knew she was and that was the reason I became concerned, and then when I was wondering what's going on, she claimed it was something else, that I'm too attached. This was also obvious because when she said, "I noticed you were writing a lot to me" in the quote above, she would've seen was me explaining why I wrote that much, and directly in view, because it was one of the latest sentences I said.
"I know the above looks like a lot but only because it's for our friendship, and I'd only do that if it was something that incredibly important ππππ"This sentence was very close and easy to see as well.
"I'm so sorry [...] I wrote a lot, but only because it's a lot to explain. I wouldn't unless it's incredibly important and it is because it's for our friendship ^-^ πππ§‘ππ "[...] is where I needed to take out things that were too personal for both of us. So, she said, "I noticed you were writing a lot.." as if I didn't just say the reason I needed to twice. 5 months before this, she said she loved my long posts. It was in February or January. Next, she said she doesn't think she could be friends with someone in love with her, because she doesn't want me to be hurt. Although, I explained that I don't feel that way before and after this, and I'm very happy being friends. I've been happy being friends for a long time, and I've said how happy I am being friends many times. Just recently before this, I even made a corny friendaversary for us lol. I was friend-zoning myself on purpose. This may need more context. When we first met, I did have romantic feelings. My first email was very passionate. After chatting for about a few weeks, I asked her out. However, she said she's with someone and she wanted to be friends. I was very glad to. Throughout our friendship, I explained that while I felt that way before, it turned into a wonderful love as a friend and with the same amount platonically. In the post where I shared how much she means to me, because I knew that she was aware of how I felt when we first met, I imagined a hypothetical situation to show how much she meant to me as a friend. I said if things were different, like if it was possible for us to be together that way in the beginning, I would have treated her with care, sweetness, thoughtfulness, silliness, devotion, support, and fulfillment, but in this universe, I'm very happy to treat her that special as a best friend. I hoped it didn't go too far, and I was also emotional and worried about everything that has happened, after she's been acting strange for months. Although, in the next couple paragraphs, I clarified that I'm not asking to be more than friends and that I'm happy being besties. I explained many times before that I only think of her as a friend. I'm also gay, and she's not. So, I thought it was obvious I wasn't trying to have a relationship because I'd know it's not even possible. If all she ever did was say she didn't want to be friends because she thought I felt that way, I'd be very sad she thinks something that's not true, but I'd respect that. However, it was the harmful dishonesty, being misled, and the intentional silence for months that was abusive. Although another thing is, the first month that she was silent, I left this message in our chat because she was acting odd without saying why, and I was hoping everything was all right.
"If there's anything the matter I'm always open to talking about it with openness, love, reason & understanding [...] Communicating is so important between friends & I'm always here for you Hun no matter what you go through, because I really meant it when I said I'd always love you & unconditionally with all my heart [...] I mean this as a bestie because, well, that stuff we chatted about"I'm referring to when I explained before how I just think of her as a friend. I don't have access to the quote. 4 days later, I said this, referring to the paragraph above.
"I hope when I said I love you it didn't make you want to leave because I simply mean it as a close friend ππ The same when I compliment you hun, it's not with the intention of being in that kind of relationship. I'm only doing it to let you know how special you are, and if you want me to I can refrain from giving those kind of compliments ππ"I know she saw this because it was in the message she was replying to when she said it's just because "the messaging is too much". Another thing that makes this look more dishonest is later she changes her story, which is in the screen caps at the end of this blog. Rather than trying to "diffuse the situation" she was trying to give me a "clue" she didn't want to be friends. I explain there how that wasn't what she was doing. After I explained why the reasons she gave were not true again, she didn't even respond. She left completely without saying anything. It made it look even more like those were not the real reasons. This was the first time she let me know about them. If someone is genuinely concerned about something like this as a best friend they would want to give them a chance to show it's not real or that they can stop anything that makes them think it's true. So, everything in this blog showed she was trying to turn things into that I was in love or becoming obsessed, instead of worried and wondering if everything's okay out of love as a friend. She used how much I care about her and love her to harm me. I still don't know why...I can't say how incredibly strange, hurtful, and heartbreaking this was to me. We've only been very nice to each other before this. It is very harmful to get someone to put their heart out there, convince them that they are special to them, then make them worry for months while not saying anything, then harmfully and dishonestly blame them, and then completely ghost them when they're just trying to figure out what's happening and without caring what they will go through. It also hurts not to give them a chance to address the real problem out of respect for everything they put into the friendship. If she said what the honest reason was, but then we found there's nothing we could do, I'd still prefer that it was honest. While I would have been sad, I wouldn't be nearly as harmed as I was. Next, because I cared about everything we put into our friendship, and I cared if she was going through something she's not telling me, and I knew her claims could be disproven, I didn't say anything for 5 months to let her know I wasn't going through an obsession. I felt horrible wondering if she thinks I did something bad that made her feel that way and that it couldn't be sorted out since I had to be silent for 5 months. I went through severe depression, PTSD, and I got shingles and went to the hospital. The doctors said I was too young for shingles, but it can happen from emotional trauma. That's what I was going through at the time. I still have random waves of depression. I was disabled from PTSD often for about 8 months. After the 5 months, I explained how the reasons she gave were not true again, and that I was quiet for 5 months out of care as a friend to show her I'm not obsessed, and I explained how much I love her as a friend, but she just looked and left. I fell even more into severe depression and PTSD. 2 months later, I returned and asked her if it was anything I hadn't guessed, and I also said that people's tone in messages can be easily misinterpreted through the internet and if my I sounded negative at some point I didn't mean it that way. She responded by blocking me from all her socials. I was just politely asking what happened. That's why I can't screen cap our latest chats when she asked to be best friends. The problem was what she did was very harmful, and that's why I needed to send her an email just to say how I was harmed. Over 6 months, in 4 different emails since then, I explained everything that happened, but she just ignored them. I was still going through depression. So, I had no choice but to go public about it after 6 months, even though I didn't want to be in this situation. 12 Months Later Instead of blocking my friends for mentioning what happened, like she was for 6 months, she claimed that she would apologize, but only after she was pressured that many people were finding out about it. However, her apology was, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I hurt you in some way" ...in some way... I asked if she even read what happened. She said, "that was overwhelming to read and respond to so I didn't". The blog was a lot smaller at the time. It was before I added new things that happened since then, but a couple days later, I added an audio reader. I let her know about it. Now over a year later, she still hasn't read or listened to this blog, which means she doesn't care to know what harmed me when it was from her actions. How can it be an apology when she doesn't know why she's apologizing? Next, after I explained a little bit of how I was harmed in the chat she said, "Yeah, but you still called me out publicly for something that I didn't even do because your feelings were hurt" ...but a couple seconds earlier she said that she didn't even read what I said... This was another abusive lie. That was also all she said about it. She didn't say what I said that wasn't true. It was just used as an insult to hurt me when I was trying to say what I really went through. I said I had no choice but to go public because she ignored me for 6 months when I said how I was harmed. She said,
"I didn't wanna keep having the same conversation over and over that's why I didn't answer those emails."I pointed out the emails were not about the same thing. They were about how I was abused, but she suddenly changed the subject and I didn't get the chance to talk about it further. She claimed that's the reason she ignored the emails for 6 months, but she also ignored them for 6 additional months after that. During that time β she knew I was saying I was abused β because she was blocking anyone who talked about it, and I had a blog explaining this for her to see, which also explained what the emails were about. Imagine seeing a previous best friend who has only been very nice say they've been going through severe depression and PTSD because of their actions for a long time, and responding by just ignoring them for 6-12 months. That's heartless, and it even oddly looks sadistic. I never did anything mean or harmful to her. I went out of my way to do many things for her. I moderated her adult chat to keep dangerous guys away. I stopped her Tumblr from being banned when they started banning adult accounts. I sent her a big gift box that was hundreds of dollars with things from many different places. Everything had thought put into it from what she let me know she loves, and it had a rainbow petticoat that I handmade for 2 weeks. I also did many other things out of love and care as a bestie and a close friend. Then, she tried explaining one of the reasons she left,
"I'm a workaholic as you already know and if I wasn't able to answer your messages for a while I would have to explain why."I explained many times to her I didn't mind how long she left. I was just wondering if things are okay. This looks like more harmful dishonesty to blame me. She continued,
"And like I've said to you before you have a lot on your mind and you like to write a lot and that's okay but someone like me to have to read that many messages started to feel like a task and I also have a lot of fans on Snapchat. So not Only do I have to answer you I had to answer everyone else as well."Except that contradicts what she initially said, which is that it's β not β because she's busy with work...
"I haven't been avoiding you because "im angry at you or busy with work' I have been distancing myself on purpose."Now she's claiming I was just an attached or clingy fan to other people, as if we were never best friends. So, below is a video of her saying we're "special friends" and screen caps of her saying we're friends. She's saying I'm clingy without being specific, but I said to her many times while we were friends I didn't care if she was busy or feels like being in a "shell space". That's how we described it. I was just hoping things were okay because she was intentionally acting odd. She also says I think I was abused just because she was silent for a long time, rather the dishonestly to misleading me in a harmful way for long time. The silent treatment was just a part of it. I explained that to her many times before these screen caps. She'd know it was more than silence if she read this blog when she said she did. So, that's also a lie. In psychology the silent treatment is known to be abuse when it's a close relationship of any kind, especially when it's used to end what they have. Silence never gave me a clue. The mind thinks of everything they could have done wrong or something else that may have happened. That leads to mental trauma in different ways and it makes them feel terrible about themselves for something they aren't aware of. The mind tends to jump to the worst conclusions. It's intentionally witholding vital and healthy communication that solves the problem. Although, in these images below, she said she was trying to give me the "clue" she didn't want to be friends. At the time, she said the opposite when she said we're close friends, that I inspire many of her videos, and the reason for her silence is just because the messaging is too much. That's more harmful dishonesty. The first screen cap below is something one of her followers sent to say gotchya, but it actually showed Cherry making more harmful lies. The other images and video are where she says I'm a friend and a special friend.
